Sunday, April 7, 2013

To the Ombrophiles

I hate the rain. Said no one ever.

Except me. But I'm here to tell all you "rain lovers" that you don't actually love the rain, you just love the idea  of rain.

 But first a little background:

I have a 25 minute walk to campus. 25 minutes there, 25 minutes back. I treasure this time because it is when I have most of my original ideas. It also burns 145 calories, meaning I can eat an extra cookie for snack.

So this is a normal rainy morning for me: after waking up to a cheerful alarm, I check the weather. 60% chance of rain all day. Drats. Now I can't wear my moccasins, because no matter what the lady at Payless said, the "water proof spray" is not effective. But, knowing Utah, it will probably be warm later, meaning I shouldn't wear anything too constricting so I opt for sneakers. I borrow my roommate's umbrella without asking (no that is not stealing) and head out the door. I spend the next 25 minutes doing everything in my power to avoid puddles, but always fail. Water gets in my shoes so my socks get wet and gather mold and my toes will be pruny all day. I'll also sound like Spongebob walking down the SWKT tile floor. For some stupid reason I believed that the umbrella would protect my hair so I dried it instead of just putting it up and now it's all over the place in a half wet/half dry staticy mess. The umbrella also doesn't reach all the way so my knees get wet with every step and my 5-year-old North Face backpack is damp and my notebooks are soggy. On especially good days, I'll get splashed by a car like in the movies. Unlike in the movies, an attractive man doesn't show up with a dry jacket. No I just trudge along to campus looking like a drowned rat.

So you can imagine how happy I am when two primped up girls step out of their Audi in the parking lot at the bottom of campus.
Girl 1: "Omg it's raining!"
Girl 2: "Good thing I brought an umbrella!"
Girl 1: "I just love the rain"
Then they see the wet hair stuck to my face and my shirt sticking to my body and scowl and walk away fast.

Tell me how much you love the rain, I dare you.
Let me tell you why people say they love rain:
1. It makes flowers grow
2. It sounds pretty against the windows
3. It cools down hot days
4. It leaves a rainbow
But notice; none of these things actually involve touching rain.

You see, people love the idea of rain. Just like people loved the idea of Google+ and making The Hobbit into three movies. But when it actually comes down to it, no one likes having to sort their friends into circles or watching midgets drink themselves silly for half an hour.

This was entertaining the first 5 minutes.
But actually touching rain sucks.

And if anyone wants to prove me wrong, meet me outside my apartment at 9:30am next time it rains. We can walk together.

Don't bother with an umbrella.


  1. Hi Malarky,

    I agree wid you, what sort of description u gave showing how one gets harassed in rainy day...specifically when going down for something important...

    But its not always so...yes idea of rain is cute...but so is the rain itself...u love rain, we love rain not just coz it grows flowers or create rainbows...but just feeling it touching while you are out with ur buddies and just enjoy the thing...will make u realise...the statement....I Love Rain...:)

  2. Malarky,
    Though there is people who, as you say, "love the idea of rain", I do in fact love rain as it is and not what it brings or anything else. I love getting drenched by it, I love feeling it pouring over me (no umberella in between) I love the smell of the city and the country side when it is raining and I love laughing with my loved ones while we are under the rain and probably catching a cold. That is why I am an ambrophile, but a true one ;)