Monday, January 27, 2014

When the Law of Attraction Backfires

After a three month hiatus, Malarkey is finally back to the blog. It's not that she hasn't had an interesting thoughts lately, in fact to the contrary. But she has reached that part of the day where sleeping feels like  waste of time, homework sounds too hard, and eating would make her puke. Solution? Blog time.

There was this episode on Oprah once about "Law of Attraction", a concept that has existed for centuries and was resurrected eight years ago by Rhonda Byrne.

The Law of Attraction states that you are what you think about. Example: If you think you are doomed to a life as a spinster, your subsequent purchase of 24 cats will ensure it. If you think you are going to fail a test, your poor attitude will affect your judgement and will cause you to fail (this is science people!).
 On the flip side, if you want to be rich; simply imagine money and act like you have money, and money magically will appear. You'll find $20 on the street, grandma will die and you'll receive her inheritance, you'll get a raise. Some argue that the Law of Attraction is simply assigning meaning to coincidence. Other critics say that thinking about money means you'll be looking for it--while you never would have picked up a quarter off the street before, suddenly its appearance is proof of the Law working in you life.

My question is this: assuming the Law of Attraction is the ultimate law of the universe, what if you lose control of what you are "manifesting" (LoA vocab word #1). Example: through dreams.

Three days ago during my nap time I dreamt that I was eating a chocolate frosty. This was strange because I rarely go to Wendys, and when I do I get vanilla frosties. I woke up to a text from Zandratee requesting I come to her house because she had a treat for me.
What was it other than a chocolate frosty? People--this is not normal.

How I feel when eating anything

Two days I dreamt that I was walking down the river trail with a friend when Justin Bieber texted me asking where his house was. I said I don't know, but it probably wasn't jail. My friend expressed awe when he saw I was texting Bieber, and I responded that we had just met once and sometimes he texts me when he is drunk. Now this dream makes partial sense because I am a journalism major and Bieber was all over CNN.
I awoke from my nap and during my post-nap bathroom break my father called me. A strange time to call, but I answered and he said, "Malarkey, I have some interesting news for you."
Me, still groggy: "Okay..."
Dad: "you know how Justin Bieber was arrested for drunk driving?"
Me: "yes..."
Dad: "Well the corner he was arrested? It's across the street from your mother and my first apartment, where we brought you home from the hospital 22 years ago."
I apologize Justin, for manifesting your arrest.

At least the alcohol doesn't affect his signature hair

Yesterday I dreamt that my friend was taking pictures of me in my wedding dress (lacy, a-line, square neck, champagne sash) to send to my mom and I felt very beautiful but also very sad. Finally I said to my friend, "Friend, I don't love him." She put the camera down in surprise and said "well, you don't have the ring yet."
I woke up very depressed, but mostly afraid that I will manifest a disappointing pre-engagement.

So, my plee to the Law of Attraction, please stop manifesting the things over which my conscious mind has no control!

Except for Frosties. Those can stay.