Thursday, June 27, 2013

Carpool Lane Musings

I woke up with this interesting thought:

Can a hearse carrying a corpse be in the carpool lane (legally)?

I concluded that if we are going with the purpose of the carpool lane, to reward those who carpool, then no it would not because a corpse cannot drive a car and therefore you are not saving the environment by sharing your vehicle with it.

The carpool lane has always mystified me because it is one of those very few things that runs very much on the honors system. In my opinion, driving by yourself in the carpool lane is like cannibalism: it's just morally wrong and something you don't do. And yet there are those that do.

There are also poachers though, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

Nice try


A friend randomly pointed to this postcard in a shop, saying it was cute. I nearly had a heart attack I was so excited, and she did not quite understand.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Should you ever be in Glasgow...

Yes, you definitely should, Glasgow is awesome. So, when you are in Glasgow, be sure to pay a visit to the Kelvingrove museum. It has many features you would expect to find in any other museum, but also many charms that larger galleries lack. I think the best description I can give is imagine that all the Smithsonian museums were stuffed in one castle-like building, and that they didn't have a whole lot of money or acclaim, but a whole lot of Scottish good-humor. One of the main gallery halls has Sir Roger the elephant and some other animals, as well as an airplane. The hall of Scottish wildlife has a large pike head in a glass case (they aren't sure where the body went), a statue of a rare bird they apparently don't have a specimen of, and a haggis.
They also have organ recitals everyday, which you can hear through the whole building, providing a nice soundtrack to your museum-going experience. Many of the artworks are simply displayed along the hallway, and the only one I saw with a Do Not Touch sign was this one:
I only spent about an hour in the museum today, but I look forward to many returns. Srsly, this place is awesome. 

Scotland's Burning

Seriously, every door in this country says "Fire Door Keep Locked" and there are signs for fire exits everywhere. Apparently, the fire alarms in my apartment building are tested every Thursday morning, and you can't use hairdryers or hairspray under them because they are so sensitive. Is it all because of a children's song?

Sunday, June 23, 2013


They do indeed say "wee" in Scotland

A Wee Bit o' Scotland

I arrived in Scotland yesterday morning, and so far my main impression is that everything is tiny. Or "wee" as they might call it here, an assumption I am making based on dialect in one of the books I'm reading for class, not because I have actually heard anybody say that. The cars here are little, and even if they look roomy from the outside (like the taxi I took from the airport), somehow there is not much room inside. The hallways of the building I am staying in are small and labyrinth-like, my bed is actually just a cot. I went to take a shower today, and I could hardly lift my arms up and there was no way to have all of my hair be shampooed at once because there was no way to not be in the direct line of water. I am not sure how anyone mch larger than me could fit in the shower stall, nor do I understand how you can shave your legs. Which is why I brought tights. I went to buy groceries and discovered that all of the packages of food were small (and expensive), and that the store itself was very small. Even right now, the number of hours when the sun is down is very small. Here is a picture I took out my window at 10 last night:
Another thing that is rather small is the amount of words I understand when someone speaks with a thick Scottish accent. My new gal for this trip is no longer to come back with an accent, but to be able to understand one. 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

The Hairline Paradox:

What happens when you see a cute boy on campus who you would like to flirt with, but you can't tell if he's a freshman or not because he has such a full head of hair. Sadly, what was once a desirable trait is now a potential source of aversion.

Remember, the version on the right is the one that got married

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Maybe I am a vengeful person

Shortly after winning the "Freedom of Speech Award" Glenn Beck's vocal chords were paralyzed.

There is something beautifully biblical about this.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

5 Things to Do with Your Placenta

Kim Kardashian is considering eating her own placenta  When I heard this, I experienced a range of emotions starting with fascination and ending with disgust.

For those of you who don't know what a placenta is (males), it is a wall full of nutrients and hormones between the womb and the baby. The bloody mass exits with the baby and is quickly disposed of in a sanitary manner.

Placenta: officially the grossest thing you will ever google

But now some moms are eating their placentas claiming that it must be good because all animals do it. And I say look where that got them. I'm all for loving and understanding animals, but there are some evolutionary factors in play here. You are human. You are on top of the food chain. You do not eat your placenta. So why change that?

If you're really concerned about connecting with this natural part of you, I came up with five other fun things you can do with your placenta.

1. Bury it in a sunny spot and plant a Callery Pear tree over it. Every spring time, the wet beaver smell will remind you of that short time you had with your placenta.

Looks heavenly, smells Satanic
2. Have a professional artist come and sketch your placenta. Hang it on the wall of your baby's room, so your baby will grow up grateful to the organ that gave it life.

Tell your baby it's his placenta, tell everyone else it's a jellyfish

3. Burn it. Invite your friends to cook s'more over the campfire. True friends will come.

No one has to know what you used as kindling

4. Take a picture of it on your iPhone and set it as your background.

Because the original background doesn't symbolize life at all
5. Freeze dry it and keep it with all of your emergency food. It may in fact save your life during a zombie apocalypse.

Eat yourself before they eat you
Despite my disgust, I am still fascinated by the concept. So if anyone has eaten their placenta, please message me a description of your experience. I'm too afraid to google it.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Dream On

So I've been having some vivid dreams recently (they are vivid, but not interesting. I mostly go about my day like normal but every now and then something will appear in my hand or I will suddenly switch locations), and whenever I wake up from them I feel very confused because just a moment before I was living in a fully-formed reality where I was happily walking around and doing things that has now been replaced by me lying in bed, exhausted and dreading getting up. During one of these surreal mornings, I started thinking how weird it was that you spend a third of your life in various fully formed, imaginary worlds, and that all it takes to obliterate them is a little beeping on your phone.
The definition of a rude awakening