Thursday, May 15, 2014

How to Get a Korean Boyfriend

My KDrama binge watching of late has been very instructive in the art of snaring a Korean boyfriend.

A Korean boyfriend is something I didn't know I even wanted until I started watching these dramas.

Choi Min Ho--I love you despite your bling

Kim Bum-- I love you despite your name

Kim Hyun Joong--I love you despite your...femininity 

Lee Min Ho: I love you despite your...nothing. You are perfect.

Warning--do not start any of these series unless you have an unusual amount of free time on your hands and don't care what your social group thinks of your recreational activities.

I know that drawing conclusions about a culture from a soap opera is unfair and likely flawed--like thinking American high school is really like High School Musical or that every witch/wizard goes to Hogwarts.
If you never go, you never know

But the comparisons are just too uncanny to NOT have truth. Stereotypes are there for a reason--people can only be the exceptions to the stereotype, but they more likely fulfill them.

So, here are five ways to get a Korean boyfriend:

5. Be Korean

This is unfortunate because I am about as opposite from Korean as you can be. I like to think that the girls in these series are Korean because they are for a Korean audience and not because Korean guys are not attracted to Western girls. 
While physically changing ethnicity is quite difficult, I believe that love can find a way. So, what's next?

4. Be Clumsy

The best way to get a Korean boyfriend is to make sure he is saving you all of the time. It's the simple things like falling down the stairs or getting hit with a volleyball. But you can also go the extra mile and try drowning or almost getting raped.

Phew, that was a close one

Making him feel like your savior will attach him to you with an unbreakable bond. He is the one solely responsible for your existence, how can he ignore you???

3. Be Obsessed

Like--creepily obsessed. Keep pictures of him by your bed. Know his schedule. Leave him love notes in his bathroom. Know everything there is to know about him from his family, friends, and even sleeping habits. Especially sleeping habits. 
But most importantly--don't be shy about your obsession. Let him see the pictures, sign your name on the notes, and let him catch you watching him sleep.

He may seem annoyed, but he will soon realize that stalking may just be your love language, and suddenly it will be endearing.

2. Ignore everything he tells you to do

Stay in the room? Run after him. Don't touch his computer? Screenshot every file. Leave him alone? Double your efforts. 
This is the easiest one in my opinion.

 "Go away forever"
"Okay I'll be right here"
1. Never, ever, ever, give up.

No matter how many demeaning nicknames, death threats, embarrassing moments, icy stares, physical shoves, and yelled expletives, have faith that he secretly loves you and will one day be yours.

There you have it my friends--five ways to get a Korean boyfriend.

Now it's only a matter of finding one.

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